Me, Myself, and the Dude that looks Like Me
by Da God Cane
Summary: NaruNaruNaruko. Crack cowrite between myself and kong is king. Enjoy.


BW: Drum roll please! ...You call that a drum roll? Anyways, we are pleased to present (we believe the first ever) our NaruNaruNaruko fic! This was a cowrite between myself, byakuganwalker, and my good friend kong is king. Hey kong, how about a few words?

kong: (draws pistol and shoots TV) Alright, bitch, when did Yugoslavia break up? Who won the Oscar for Best Supporting Actor in 1958? What-

BW: Dammit, kong, you can't shoot first and ask questions later! And why'd you shoot your own TV? Seriously, that went beyond random into just plain stupid.

kong: Dude, I have about five more. And, um...It just sort of happened to be there.

BW: This...is...stupid. Let's just roll the fic.

x.x.x.

"GRRAH, RRRAH, RRAAH!"

The infamous S-ranked former leaf nin Itachi Uchiha watched his partner in crime swing that ungodly powerful sword of his at the morning sky. The Akatsuki duo would have already caught up with the nine-tails container if Kisame didn't have to burn off his excess chakra.

Itachi decided to take a seat under the shade of the tree, he quickly grew bored of Kisame's antics and decided to Tsukiyomi a bird or two to death for amusement.

"Kisame, time is of the essence if we want to catch up with the nine-tails vessel. How much longer must you do this?" he asked, already predicting the answer.

Hefting Samehada to one shoulder, the shark-man replied, "I only need about fivemore minutes, by the way, what the hell did you do to the bird man?"

He pointed to the bird that was now committing suicide with a sharpened stick.

"I made him think he was Riku from Kingdom Hearts, now his life has no meaning-"

Kisame laughed, "-and he won't get laid unless it's another one of those damn Soriku fanfictions...sucker."

In reality, Kisame could handle the rest of his chakra himself and didn't really need to continue, every time he would swing, a row of trees would be lifted from the roots. A sight that the former mist nin enjoyed, and so instead of bickering about it, Itachi allowed Kisame this little break of amusement.

"Oh, and try to keep it down, your chakra is powerful enough to cause distortion in others chakra, causing their jutsu..."

"...to behave strangely, yeah yeah...killjoy, alright I'll try..." he finished disinterestedly.

The second he turned his back, Itachi was snoring, and Kisame went back to causing havoc with Samehada.

"...what a goody two shoes for a criminal nin...Y'know, screw this, I'm bout to have some fun!"

x.x.x.

_Taijutsu sure can be a bitch..._

Uzumaki Naruto clambered to his feet again. Could someone please remind him why he created two clones for training?

"Alright, come on! We have to keep doing it!"

Dodge the right hook, and...jab now! The clone ducked under and sent Naruto flying with a kick to the chin. Coulda seen that coming... Naruto was trying to recover in the air when his second clone appeared above him. _Why did I create a girl clone? ...Oh yeah, 'cause I'm a horny bastard_. The girl gave him a punch in the stomach that would've taken out Gamabunta. Fortunately for Naruto, he had a demon inside of him that could lay low thousands of shinobi and flatten entire cities. I think we can assume he lived through that one. The ground, however, was a different story.

As he hauled himself out of the crater his impact had created, Naruto was greeted by his male clone's stare. "Alright," said the clone, "can you tell me what you did wrong?" Naruto sighed. "When I jabbed, I left myself open for an attack and..." he felt a sharp pain in his right shoulder. Turning, around, he saw the female clone (dubbed "Naruko") smirking. It would appear she had just thrown a kunai at him, and her aim was much better than the original's. She then pointed behind Naruto.

He turned and saw a perfect rendition of his own right fist when it was inches from somebody's nose. Without even time for a "Wha?" Naruto was sent flying backwards. However, he had learned from his past mistakes, and recovered so that he could control how he spun.

This is where it gets awkward.

Naruto's face landed in something soft and bright orange, and this certain thing cushioned his impact as they both fell. "Mmf..." he moaned, though out of pain or pleasure I can't say. Regardless, when the thing started moving, it became apparent that the softness was, in fact, Naruko's chest. Well, don't say I didn't warn you. Naruto, realizing just how perverted this fight had become, tried to push himself up, but as his hand tried to find a hold, it instead found something else orange and extremely sensitive.

Naruko screamed and writhed, and unfortunately her arms just pressed Naruto's face forward. Meanwhile, the first clone, who had been watching the whole time, was looking for a blunt object with which to beat his own brains out, after seeing his creator's DNA which now coursed through him. And that's when he noticed something odd. On the other side of the clearing they had been practicing on, a faint blue light was steadily glowing and growing, as if it were coming towards them. He hurriedly pulled the two apart and directed their attention to it.

Naruto stared at the blue light, wondering where it was coming from and, more importantly, why it was getting closer.

And then it hit him.

* * *

A/N kong: So...I think it went pretty well.

BW: Really? I mean, it was okay...

kong: Not too bad...

BW: Pretty good, in fact.

kong: ...Wanna end it before it gets stale?

BW: Yeah.


End file.
